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Scared Tiny

on Saturday 05 November 2005 by BlankZero in Parkour Articles > Tutorials > Health Tips
comments: 5

No, I'm not making a euphamistic reference to a place where alcoholic beverages are sold... I was trying to think of an intriguing, catchy title for an article about the importance of water. First off, as I have been notified, drink nothing but PURE water, for the rest of your life. It's the healthiest thing since... well, since there was anything capable of being healthy. What are the odds that the only ingestible liquid that is completely natural is also the most healthy ingestible liquid of all time?

I'll go through the reasons why water is the supreme lord of all beverages now.

(1) Water is necessary to help your kidneys function properly. Water filters the kidneys clean, allowing them to do their work. Because when kidneys don't get to do all of their work, they get angry. And when they get angry, they do mean, terrible things, such as flooding your liver with their waste products. And, of course, as we all learned in middle school health, boys have penises, and girls have vaginas. Err..umm... we learned that too, but I meant to say that the liver is the organ responsible for converting body fat to energy. But when your angry kidneys bombard your liver with their crap, your liver can't convert at 100% efficiency. Drinking a lot of water keeps your kidneys happy, which lets your liver do its job. And if your liver's doing it's job, the whole metabolism process is working properly, and you'll lose all that excess weight, you flabby monster. Water is also a catabolic substance, meaning that it takes energy to digest, meaning that you burn calories simply by drinking the stuff. And because water is digested like any normal substance, it can replace junk food in your diet; it has equal filling power, and is actually good for you. This'll keep you from packing the pounds back on after you've lost them, you dumb cow. So, in conclusion: Drinking a lot of pure water can help you lose weight.

(2) Water allows for the efficient transportation of nutrients, minerals, and vitamins in your system. Water is the natural solvent. So, naturally, it makes sense that drinking a lot of water will get more nutrients through your body. It can take all that iron, zinc, and phosphate that you pump into your system, and put it where it's needed. It's like some sort of freakish, liquid cellular-level charter bus. Next stop: the spleen! And certain vitamins, such as Vitamin C, are water-soluble, meaning that they can ONLY be carried throught the body by water. And if you have too much of these vitamins in your system, water helps the waste get out. Take three Vitamin C pills, and see how long it takes before you have to go to the bathroom. Might make an interesting science fair project: "Factors affecting frequency of urination."

(3) Water keeps you cool. You know what sweating's for, right? Maybe if you live in humid, humid Florida, you don't really. Ideally, sweating puts excess body water on your skin, which, when it evaporates, helps maintain cooler skin and body temperature. This is also good for your complexion, because sweating keeps your pores from getting clogged with grease and dirt. Once you're out of water, you may suffer from dehydration, which manifests itself in weakness, dizziness, low blood pressure, fainting, convulsions, etc., basically all sorts of crap you really don't want happening, especially as a traceur. So, thus far, we've learned that water can turn you from an exhausted, pizza-faced slob into a lean, mean Parkour-ing machine. Let's continue our tour of Water's Hall of Achievements.

(4) Drinking a lot of water keeps your skin from retaining too much water. The less water you have, the more inclined your skin is to retain water as a defense measure, making you look and feel bloated. If you don't want to be a friggin' manatee, it's advisable to drink water, so your body doesn't feel the need to turn itself into one.

So go out and drink water whenever you're thirsty. Drink it bottled, drink it from a fountain, drink it from the tap, heck, even drink that nasty sulfur water running through the city pipelines. Actually, nix on the sulfur water. The water itself is fine, but I'm afraid of whatever else might be hanging out in the vile-smelling stuff. Sulfur water -> Rotten Egg Scent -> Eggs -> Salmonella, and frankly, I don't want to contract a poultry disease from my water.
Amir Azari on 28 Feb 2006
Here's a critical response by a reader:

Dear BlankZero,
In your article "At the Watering Hole!" you have a bunch of bad advice.
I don't know how much background education you have but I am an undergraduate in the program of Life Sciences and I am concerned for the well-being of people who read your article and follow your instructions.
A couple of things I would like to point out:
For athletes, it is not good for them to just drink water. Sweating causes the loss of a lot of salt (and I hope you know that you need salts in your body to live) and drinking water, while hydrating, does not replenish the salt that was just lost from the sweat (and you need sugars too but I won\'t get into that).
Also, water does not make you less hungry. It might make your stomach feel full for a little while but in no way does it induce satiety.
Please do [more] research and edit that article or just make a note on the bottom warning readers that what you wrote might not be the most accurate thing.


And BlankZero, the author, gives the rebuttal:

I'm very happy that you finished taking Biology 101. Perhaps you should consider re-reading the textbook, as well as my article. Unless an athlete has been practicing for weeks on end without consuming any amount of sodium whatsoever, the human body's natural reserves of minerals contain more than enough electrolytes to sustain athletic activity. Dehydration is far more likely to occur, because the human body's reserve of water is easily depleted. Add to this the fact that salt also causes the body to need more water to maintain chemical balance. You get enough sodium in a serving of McDonald's french fries to last you several gallons worth of sweating. In short, yes I realize that salt is also important to athletic performance, but I also know what you clearly did not; I know that electrolytes are so abundant in the body, and so relatively few are lost through sweat, that it is completely unnecessary to drink a sports drink to replenish them (yes, I also knew that complex carbohydrates are necessary to provide energy, but I'm glad you thought to remind me).

As for your second point, I never said that water was a permanent solution to hunger, in the same fashion that potato chips aren't a permanent solution to hunger. Neither has much nutritional value, and both of them are only good for a temporary sating of the appetite. The point I made in my article was that drinking water will make you feel less hungry, which in turn will lead you to consume less junk food, thus consuming less unhealthy content, such as trans-fatty acids and high amounts of calories due to fat. You cannot argue that eating ice cream, chocolate cake, or Twinkies(R) is more nutritionally satisfying than drinking water, because only drinking water results in a net loss of calories. You still need to consume regular meals every day for your vitamins, proteins, and minerals; drinking water is merely a healthy way to keep your intake of fattening foods at a minimum.

In conclusion, there is no need for me to do more research, to edit my article, or to post a disclaimer in my article. I researched thoroughly for my article, and resent the implication that I did not do so. If you're going to request that inaccurate content be labeled as such, I'm going to request that the title of your e-mail be changed to reflect such a policy. Your concern is appreciated, but misplaced.
rubenarslan on 02 May 2006
Whippersnapping: The only permanent solution to hunger is death or maybe some meditation-self-control-voodoo-shit or maybe a completely use brain implant/damage. I don't need no doctor to know that. Good information on water though, good to perplex people, when boozing.
concept on 22 Sep 2007
Great article on water and how important it is. I dont think alot of people really understand it. Also, I was very impressed by the way you handled that guys rebutle to your article. Some people go to a class or two and think they know everything. I hope to read more articles in the future.
Byrd3790 on 03 Nov 2007
not to sound like fellowsapien but there is one thing that did bug me drinking only water forever that verywell may have been made in jest but the fact that your cells need to be in an isotonic (balanced of saline and water) rather than hypotonic (too much water) there have been athletes who drink only pure water their cells become hypotonic and burst resulting in death. thats why an IV is not pure water but rather a saline solution. just my 2 cents
john63 on 25 Dec 2009
Nice article. Only one thing bugged me: you don't digest water, in the sense that it gets broken down. Water is pretty inert, and doesn't get changed into anything else by your body. So how does it consume energy?

Also, I was under the assumption that nearly every drink (milk, juice, tea, even soda) was mostly water (at least 80%). So wouldn't these beverages also accomplish some of the things you've mentioned, like transporting nutrients?

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